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Pool

At least, according to this memo from… the Trump administration.

It’s fair to say that Donald Trump, our… gulp new President… is pretty fixated on the early reviews of his presidency. For proof, look no further than the following bonkers email his administration sent out this morning.

This is insane, of course. The presidency is not an Oscar-bait movie that will live and die on reviews. (If anyone lives in a bubble of his own noxious fumes, it’s President Trump.) Since you, Mr. President, probably had your aids print this out for you to read as a PDF based on little more than the headline up top, let’s go through your accomplishments so far, shall we? Your administration has…

  • Started the process of taking healthcare away from 20 million people with no replacement plan ready.
  • Scrubbed the White House site of mentions of climate change, LGBT rights, and civil rights.
  • Had a hissy fit about the fact that his inauguration was smaller than Obama’s.
  • Started the process of building his wall along the Mexican border despite the fact that there’s already one there.
  • Began the process of instituting a Muslim immigration ban.
  • Brought back the Dakota Access Pipeline.
  • Placed a gag order on government scientists who might discuss climate change findings with the public.
  • Brought campaign staff with you to the CIA to cheer to make it seem like the CIA liked you.
  • Threatened to institute martial law in Chicago.

So here’s a review to put in the next masturbatory email blast your team sends out to reporters:

“Donald Trump is a sad, little man, who is a constant and unending embarrassment to this nation. He doesn’t have the intellectual capacity for the job he has, as evidenced by his many business failures, bankruptcies, and ongoing lawsuits. With every passing day his already anemic popularity will continue to dwindle as he leaves pundits wondering if a 0-percent approval rating is even possible. He may very well destroy the United States, and history will remember him as a small-fingered fraud that no one liked.” – GQ

The Press and White House Are on the Outs:

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